United States Government
Department of Truth in Government
1 JAN 2020
To: Citizen Joe Blow
Dear Citizen Mr. Blow,
You will be pleased to know that this months government subsidy of your health care policy has been paid. It was paid this month by your neighbor, Citizen Ms. Kaputnick. She disagreed with the removal of funds from her bank account stating that she was “saving up” for a new stove. Our investigation showed that the stove was indeed broken and that she was cooking on an old hot plate so the BSLC (Bureau of Standard of Living Comparisons) was involved. Their SLCA (Standard of Living Comparison Analysis) showed that she in fact had a higher standard of living than you. Even after seeing this SLCA she protested at which point we had to employ the standard DAGD (Deputy Arrival with Guns Drawn). This appears to be the end of the situation.
Note: Thanks to HB4876239-776354/563865-p (Secrecy of Charitable Donation Act), Citizen Ms. Kaputnick will never know where her donation to your betterment went. In future, when you are dealing with Citizen Ms. Kaputnick, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel inferior or inadequate or in any way beholden to her. Know this, Citizen-You are just a good as anybody else.
Until next month,
XXXXXXXXX XXXXX-XXXXX
Department of Truth in Government
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